Better Person

Sometimes we wish for a better person to change our lives. But what if the person changes our lives and we don't like it? What if he/she ruins the friendship and doesn't realize that he/she is hurting our feelings? Plus, what if the person is the best thing that's ever done to you but he/she ruins everything? The only question we could ask is "Why?" and listen to what they have to say to you. If the answer pleases you, then you'll be fine. But if the answer breaks your heart, believe that you'll be strong no matter what.

I believe in staying strong. And I believe that friends are like pearls -- rare to find but precious. Even though they sometimes hurt, but in the end, they're the ones who help us get through the obstacles. Because we are just human and human are fragile.

Sorry if this blog confuses you. I am just expressing out the sadness that burdens inside my chest. I'm broken by the people I love and it's the kind of feeling words couldn't describe. But this is all about my friends. The latest one is about this friend. She helped me on this blog and I know she is a pretty girl inside. It's just, she likes to think bad about others. How silly of her. Her name is Atiqah and I really like to sit and talk to her. She's great with telling stories. But one day, a friend of mine told me something obnoxious about her. She said that she tells lies to others and makes up stories. I didn't believe the rumours of course, until I was lied on the face for the first time -- by her. It hurts but she doesn't realize anything about it. I miss our old days together. It was precious and one of the best days in my life. I just can't believe she did that to me. It was horrid of her. I would never do that to her but she just did that to me. Hands will fall even though you've been friends forever but no honesty lives inside your heart. Everything would be useless and you would care less about the little things that happen in your life.

I love her but I don't think I can trust her since she betrayed my trust. In a living piece of my love, I'll let her fly away with her lies. I don't need a friend like that in my life. It just hurts. Sorry.

On the cold floor I lied, thinking what I did wrong. And suddenly I heard a voice, saying, "Hurt is just the beginning. The nearer you get close, the harder you'll feel the ground when you fall every time she lies to you." I got the words, so I decided. To leave it all behind. To leave the past. And to make sure reality overcomes me so that I wouldn't have to live a lie.

Miss our good times..

A Memory of Kevin

Hi

I was in the car with my parents and my youngest sister and we were on the way to my Grandma's house when I was humming a song I wrote about my former crush when I was fifteen. His name is Kevin, and I blogged about him in the previous, previous blog. The one with the crushes' names. His name's in it too. I remember it well. Well, it was nothing but I haven't read the song for almost half a year now. That's my uncorrosive habit. I love reading back my old writing.

Okay, about him. Well, I was humming the song and I actually remembered how we were close friends. We texted to each other for  almost four years. But it ended a few months ago. Actually, it stopped when Facebook was born between us. Not that it's Facebook's fault I lost a friend. It's more like, since Facebook, he was like -- kind of like, doesn't need me anymore. And he totally doesn't know I wrote a song about him. It's unfortunate. Now let me tell you something about him. He's very friendly and a real social butterfly. And when he laughs, you can see right through his heart and you'll see how sincere those laughs are. He's a happy boy and every time he speaks, you can feel the air sways your presence boldly and precisely. This isn't a phrase. But this is something real. A REAL thing to say. I've experienced it for four long years. And the song, well, I do really, really wish I could sing it in front of him. Guess I could if I see him again. But I'm not sure when and how. I couldn't just meet him and during a friendly talk, just go and sing to him. That's not a good sign. Well, the song is actually about him not believing in my love, faith and trust for him since we became friends. And yes, he did say the words and so, I was like, "Okay. You ask for it. I'll be moving on and forget all about you. Don't say you're sorry if you know what I'd do." And so far, he doesn't know about the song and I believe if he does know about it, it'd be too late for him to realize the real thing. This happens every time I write songs about the people that make mistakes to me. I had a few friends who I trusted most when I was thirteen and when they betrayed me, I wrote about their mistakes and the real things that went wrong between us back then. And when I was fifteen, they tried to reach my phone number to call. Just to say they're sorry but I couldn't say, "Okay. You're sorry. I forgive you." NO. I couldn't say that. It was too painful.

And for Kevin. Yes, lots of people -- I mean. LOADS of people believe that we should forgive and forget. But not me. I forgive -- BUT I DON'T FORGET. That's me. Okay, enough writing about Kevin. Below is the song I wrote about him. The lyrics says it all.

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It's Kevin

Once upon a day

I was dreaming and kept saying "This will fade away"

I caught on something

I hold back when he says

"Just look me in the eye and say this is all wrong"

But I'm not joking so it seems for me

We'll never gonna work out because you can't see

That you belong with me here

Hunny, well let me say something that you've always wanted to say here

Honestly I fell for you

pre-c/o:

So I walk away now

You're not here somehow

And it feels so wrong, I know

But this love was so strong

Now when I see your face in the crowd

I just say, "It's Kevin"

c/o:

I see the smile coming over when something goes blue

It's him that I love

And it's him, he's not you

I see your face in the crowd

But I say, "It's Kevin"

Were you feeling it?

Were you the only one who knew this but couldn't see it

Kept on thinking it's a joke

I called you, I tried to say

But I'm thinking it's too late so I was like, "Goodbye"

So here goes nothing now

This was stupid somehow

Here's the warm tears

Don't think you know it now

What could I say here

'Cuz I'm thinking it's too late and I was like, "See you around"

(repeat pre-c/o and c/o)

I'm not feeling it since then

Yeah I don't now

Forget it

Just forget it

It was a crush, nothing much

Forget it

Just forget it

It was a crush, nothing much

(repeat c/o and pre-c/o)

(repeat c/o)

I'm not feeling it since then

I just simply say, "It's Kevin", yeah

Chung Yii, It's Alright It's OK!!!

I realize that the person who doesn't see the beauty is just another crush to tell. And he's Chung Yii, of course. I have so much things to say about him and hope I could say it to his face, even though I feel like it would be useless. He's a cold rain, and I realize that his writing was about me, but he lets me know about this. The feeling was nothing but lust. He says it's not love at all. So, okay, the say has been said and this is just what I have to say -- "It's alright it's okay." I hate to say this but knowing him is the biggest mistake in my life and I know it was fated, but I would never forgive myself for falling for him back then. It was stupid of me but hey, I'm not sorry for myself. Everything about him is just a big mistake. Besides, if we were together, we would be like, 99.99% not going to last. Because we're different. So different. And also, I don't play games with my mind or play tricks on people. He does. The way he confuses my feelings and points his finger at me (your other three fingers are pointing back at you. So you're the fault), it obviously shows that he's the mistaken identity. And here's what I said in my song about him --

You're the fault for all the guilt pasted in my heart

The only reason why I never let it tear apart

And also this --

So it just ends tonight

I hope it goes away

I'll never fall apart again oh just because you say

"You're the fault for all the guilt pasted in my heart"

The only reason why it tears apart

It's just too much

And now I'm getting stronger and I'm not regretting anything. He's nothing to me four years ago and he's nothing to me now. And forever. I won't believe anything he writes about his feelings for a girl. Because I would pretend it's someone else. No matter what he says in it, it's alright. I'm not going to open the window and pray he stands there for true. Everything involving him in my life is just too late to believe in. I had just found a suitable song for this stupidity. It's a song by Ashley Tisdale.

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It's Alright It's OK

You told me

There's no need to talk it out 'cuz it's too late

To proceed

And slowly I took your words and walked away

No looking back

I won't regret, no

I will find my way

I'm broken but still I have to say

c/o

It's alright it's OK

I'm so much better without you

I won't be sorry

Alright OK

So don't you bother what I do

No matter what you say

I won't return

Our bridge has burnt down

I'm stronger now

Alright OK

I'm so much better without you

I won't be sorry

You played me

Betrayed me

Your love was nothing but a game

Portrait a role

You took control

I couldn't help but fall so deep

But now I see things clear

(repeat c/o)

Don't waste your fiction tears on me

Just save them for someone in need

It's way too late

I'm closing the door!

(repeat c/o)

It's alright it's OK

Without you

I won't be sorry

The song says it all and so do my songs. I'm not sorry for saying I made a mistake by knowing him. I shouldn't have talked to him when we were fifteen. But of course -- 

"When you're fifteen, somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them" - Taylor Swift.

Forever n Always

Hannah

Romeo & Juliet . . . Love Story

The original story told by the famous writer of all time, William Shakespeare, and the classic English literature told to every single girls. A tragedy that haunts two persons in a time leads to an untamed love that needs affection and feelings in a thing called heart. Between tragedy and comedy the transition is often but slightly marked. Thus Romeo and Juliet differs but little from most of Shakespeare's comedies in its ingredients and treatment--it is simply the direction of the whole that gives it the stamp of tragedy. Romeo and Juliet is a picture of love and its pitiable fate in a world whose atmosphere is too sharp for this, the tenderest blossom of human life. Two beings created for each other feel mutual love at the first glance; every consideration disappears before the irresistable impulse to live for one another; under circumstances hostile in the highest degree to their union, they unite themselves by a secret marriage, relying simply on the protection of an invisible power. Untoward incidents following in rapid succession, their heroic constancy is within a few days put to the proof, till, forcibly separated from each other, by a voluntary death they are united in the grave to meet again in another world. All this is to be found in the beautiful story which was told long before Shakespeare's day, and which, however simply told, will always excite a tender sympathy; but it was reserved for Shakespeare to join in one ideal picture purity of heart with warmth of imagination; sweetness and dignity of manners with passionate intensity of feeling. Under his handling, it has become a glorious song of praise on that inexpressible feeling which ennobles the soul and gives to it its highest sublimity, and which elevates even the senses into soul, while at the same time it is a melancholy elegy on its inherent and imparted frailty; it is at once the apotheosis and the obsequies of love. It appears here a heavenly spark that, as it descends to earth, is converted into the lightning flash, which almost in the same moment sets on fire and consumes the mortal being on whom it lights. All that is most intoxicating in the odor of a southern spring, all that is languishing in the song of the nightingale or voluptuous in the first opening of the rose, all alike breathe forth from this poem. But even more rapidly than the earliest blossoms of youth and beauty decay does it, from the first timidly bold declaration and modest return of love, hurry on to unlimited passion, to an irrevocable union; and then hasten, amid alternating storms of rapture and despair, to the fate of the two lovers, who yet appear enviable in their hard lot, for their love survives them, and by their death they have obtained an endless triumph over every separating power. The sweetest and the bitterest love and hatred, festive rejoicings and dark forebodings, tender embraces and sepulchral horrors, the fullness of life and self-annihilation, are here all brought close to each other; and yet these contrasts are so blended into a unity of impression, that the echo which the whole leaves in the mind resembles a single but endless sigh.

The first scenes of nearly every play of Shakespeare are remarkable for the skill with which they prepare the mind for all the after scenes. We do not see the succession of scenes; the catastrophe unrevealed; but we look into a dim and distant prospect, and by what is in the foreground we can form a general notion of the landscape that will be presented to us, as the clouds roll away and the sun lights up its wild mountains or its fertile valleys. When Sampson and Gregory enter "armed with swords and bucklers"--when we hear "a dog of the house of Montague moves me"--we know that these are not common servants, and live not in common times; with them the excitement of party spirit does not rise into strong passion--it presents its ludicrous side. They quarrel like angry curs, who snarl, yet are afraid to bite. But the "furious Tybalt" in a moment shows us that these hasty quarrels cannot have peaceful endings. The strong arm of authority suspends the affray, but the spirit of enmity is not put down. The movement of this scene is as rapid as the quarrel itself. It produces the effect upon the mind of something which startles; but the calm immediately succeeds. Benvolio's speech--



Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun

Peer'd forth the golden window of the east ...

--at once shows us that we are entering the region of high poetry. Coleridge remarks that the succeeding speech of old Montague exhibits the poetical aspect of the play even more strikingly:



Many a morning hath he here been seen,

With tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew.

It is remarkable that the speech thus commencing, which contains twenty lines as highly wrought as anything in Shakespeare, is not in the first copy of this play. The experience of the artist taught him where to lay on the poetical coloring brighter and brighter. How beautifully these lines prepare us for the appearance of Romeo--the now musing, abstracted Romeo--the Romeo, who, like the lover of Chaucer,



Solitary was ever alone,

And walking all the night, making moan.

The love of Romeo was unrequited love. It was a sentiment rather than a passion--a love that solaced itself in antithetical conceits upon its own misery, and would draw consolation from melancholy associations. It was love without the "true Promethean fire," but it was a fir preparation for what was to follow. The dialogue between Capulet and Paris prepares us for Juliet--the "hopeful lady of his earth," who



Hath not seen the change of fourteen years.



The old man does not think her "ripe to be a bride;" but we are immediately reminded of the precocity of nature under a southern sun, by another magical touch of poetry, which tells us of youth and freshness--of summer in "April"--of "fresh female buds" breathing the fragrance of opening flowers. Juliet at length comes. We see the submissive and gentle girl; but the garrulity of the nurse carries us back even to the



Prettiest babe that e'er I nursed.



Neither Juliet nor Romeo had rightly read their own hearts. He was sighing for a shadow--she fancied that she could subject her feelings to the will of others:



But no more deep will I endart mine eye,

Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.

The preparation for their first interview goes forward; Benvolio has persuaded Romeo to go to the Capulet's feast. There is a slight pause in the action, but how gracefully it is filled up! Mercutio comes upon the scene, and is placed by the side of Romeo, to contrast with him, but also to harmonize. The poetry of Mercutio is that of fancy; the poetry of Romeo is that of imagination. The wit of Mercutio is the overflow of animal spirits, occasionally polluted, like a spring pure from the well-head, by the soil over which it passes; the wit of Romeo is somewhat artificial, and scarcely self-sustained--it is the unaccustomed play of the intellect when the passions "have come to the clenching point," but it is under control, it has no exuberance which, like the wit of Mercutio, admits the coloring of the sensual and the sarcastic.



The very first words of Romeo show the change that has come o'er him. He went into that "hall of Capulet's house" fearing



Some consequence yet hanging in the stars.



He had "a soul of lead"--he would be "a candle-holder and look on." But he has seen Juliet; and with what gorgeous images has that sight filled his imagination!



Oh, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!

Her beauty hangs upon the cheek of night

As a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear.

We have now the poetry of passion bursting upon us in its purple light.



The lovers show the intensity of their abandonment to an overmastering will. "They see only themselves in the universe." That is the true moral of their fate. But, even under the direst calamity, they catch at the one joy which is left--the short meeting before the parting. And what a parting it is! Here again comes the triumph of the beautiful over the merely tragic. They are once more calm. There love again breathes of all the sweet sights and sounds in a world of beauty. They are parting, but the almost happy Juliet says:



It is not yet near day--

Believe me, love, it was the nightingale.

Romeo, who sees the danger of delay, is not deceived:



It was the lark, the herald of the morn.



Then what a burst of poetry follows!--



Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day

Stands tiptoe on the misty mountains' tops.

Note the exquisite display of womanly tenderness in Juliet, which hurries from the forgetfulness of joy in her husband's presence to apprehension for his safety. After this scene we are almost content to think, as Romeo fancied he thought:



Come what sorrow can,

It cannot countervail the exchange of joy.

The sorrow does come upon poor Juliet with redoubled force. The absolute father, the unyielding mother, the treacherous nurse--all hurrying her into a loathed marriage--might drive one less resolved to the verge of madness. But from this moment her love has become heroism. She sees



No pity sitting in the clouds--



She rejects her nurse--she resolves to deceive her parents. This scene brings out her character in its strongest and most beautiful relief.



The final catastrophe comes. They have paid the penalty of the fierce hatreds that were engendered around them, and of their own precipitancy; but their misfortunes and their loves have healed the enmities of which they were the victims.

the historical balcony of Juliet where she waited for her Romeo...

Romeo and Juliet

a closer look...

























 

And they died together. Romeo thought his beloved Juliet died in the tomb when he opened it. And took his poison, kissed Juliet, drank it and died on her lap. Juliet awoke, finding her lifeless Romeo. Without second thoughts, she snatched his dagger, kissed him and stabbed herself. There they lied, together on the tomb before the Capulets came and stunned with the deaths of two lovers. The love they had was forbidden by their families. But they died together.

 

It's one of my favourite stories and the tale was told in a song by dearest Taylor Swift. It's called Love Story. It's my favourite song and I actually am writing a story based on the song. The song is easy to convert into a story and the theme is really exciting. I can't tell you about the story in here. But I tell it to my BFFs and they think it's really good. Thanks for their compliments.

I'm not having the writer's mood today but I'm writing my story though. I love doing it. I have been practising my guitar chords  for two days now and my left fingers are really hurt. But the effort's worth my while. I practise Taylor's 'Crazier' and 'Fifteen' songs. They're awesome songs!

To end the story for today is a song by Taylor Swift. Love Story all the way. Miss you!

Love Story

We were both young when I first saw you

I close my eyes and the flashback starts

I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air

See the light

See the party, the ball gowns

See you make your way to the crowd and say, "Hello"

Little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles

And my Daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet!"

And I was crying on the staircase, begging you, "Please don't go"

And I said,

c/o:

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting 

All there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story

Baby, just say, "Yes"

So I sneak out to the garden to see you

We keep quiet 'cuz we're dead if they knew

So close your eyes

Escape this town for a little while

'cuz you were Romeo

I was your scarlet letter

And my Daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet!"

But you were everything to me

I was begging you, "Please don't go"

And I said,

(repeat c/o)

Romeo, save me

They try to tell me how to feel

This love is difficult but it's real

Don't be afraid

We'll make it out of this mess

It's a love story

Baby, just say, "Yes"

But I got tired of waiting

Wondering if you were ever coming around

My faith in you was fading

When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said,

Romeo, save me

I've been feeling so alone

I keep waiting for you but you never come

Is this in my head

I don't know what to think

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,

"Marry me, Juliet

You'll never have to be alone

I love you and that's all I really know

I talked to your Dad

Go pick out a white dress

It's a love story

Baby, just say, 'Yes'."

'cuz we were both young when I first saw you.

Forever n Always

Hannah

     

A Tale To Be Told

Hello there,

Just as I promised, I am here to tell you about the former crush I had whom was the hardest to get over with. He was a good friend of mine and I found that it was fearless to fall in love with your best friend. My idol, Taylor Swift, quotes that. I believe in him but I am not sure if he believes in me. He could tell it from his mouth and convinces me anytime he wants, but the truth is still there. Hiding in his hidden eyes. I have to admit I write so many, many songs about him. I write about how lucky I am to have him as a good and close friend and how I wish we'll be close forever. And the feelings I had, well, it was undescribable and I believed that it was another feeling of joy inside of me. I was happy with the feeling, until he asked me this. He asked me, if we dated before, would we be together and last forever. I wasn't sure what to answer him at that time, but now I do believe I have it. But I'm waiting for him to ask me that question again. Because if he does ask me about it for the second time, I'm just hoping all those faiths come back to me and show me directions of how to tell him the truth. He told me he had a girlfriend before when I was 18, and I have to admit I was bruised by his words. He asked me if he gave roses to her, what would she felt and I suggested him to give her red roses instead of other flowers. I know I shouldn't have told him that because it bruised me much deeper inside, but, I just couldn't let him know how I felt. You might think it was foolish of me, but that was what I could thought of. I didn't want to tell him how I felt because I didn't want to lose him. He couldn't ever be my soulmate but at least he still can be my good friend. He's the best friend I've ever had and I knew him since we were 15. Good times.

And the songs I write about him, well, that was the hardest part. The first time I met him, I wrote how he shone in front of me and how beautiful those eyes were. And I sat next to him and I actually wrote about him but when he tried to look at my writing, I covered the song with my other books. And so he didn't see any visible word in my paper. In conclusion, I write everything and anything about him but he didn't notice. That wasn't a good sign because he thought I was imagining the guy in my songs when the guy I wrote and described all these years was all about him. I didn't write his name out but the characteristics were all about him. Maybe he missed that out, but I did give signals to him. He just didn't realize any of it.

When I was doing my practical in Raub, when I was in the fourth semester last month, my two friends and I went to KL and I told him about it. He wanted to meet me. And so I went with my friends accompanied me. I wasn't scared to meet him alone, but I knew he would bring along his friend too. And I was right. He brought along our former classmate, Chee Ken. How they both grown up to be . . . college boys. And he wore a light-coloured shirt and faded blue jeans, while I wore a green T-shirt and a blue jeans. Of course, my friends weren't talkative as usual during the meeting and I was being myself -- shy, speechless and stared at him talking. He glanced at me while he was talking to Chee Ken and I wasn't sitting facing him, but his friend. And he made us laugh, of course, he always does that. And he offered us food and drink but we weren't really hungry. It was just enough to see him again. And when it was time to go home, he offered to walk us to my friend's sister's car, but we refused him to do so. We've bothered him enough.

And after the meeting, I was confused. Confused of thinking if I accepted him two years ago, would things be the same. And I couldn't remember how we became good friends. I mean, things weren't always the same but the way he wrote things in his notes in Facebook, makes me think about it all over again. The note below was the one I'm meaning about. I'm not sure who the girl he's referring to, but, it is a lot like me. Here the note is:

Alteration..




Monday, March 8, 2010 at 2:00pm


Love.. These feelings aren't intentional; you and I both know that.. Are the feelings reciprocal..? I'm always afraid to admit the truth, so I have always stuck here wondering if you ever felt the same way about me.. I don't know if it's infatuation, lust, or actual love..






I honestly can't tell anymore, I've fallen too many times now.. Am I just another common friend to you or is there something more..? I don't know what to do anymore, could you just please give me a sign..? I mean like, 'come on show some signal or whatever..'






This might give away who I am(obviously =P) and who I'm talking about but I'm willing to risk that.. Just for you maybe.. Maybe if you read this, you might understood what I'm trying to say.. Friends, they are a valuable thing, too valuable, that's why I don't have many of those(You know who you are =D)..






I may sound like a loser or a loner to you, but I'd rather have this life(But I'm afraid), than one with a bountiful of friends that don't care.. I may be insecure, and I tend to worry about minor things but I never let the feelings show(maybe).. Sometimes there isn't much space to kept all these feelings and is hard to store it..






People who know me thinks that I'm strong, even though I'm really not.. I'm softer than a cotton, way too soft that I might even get carried away.. Of course this may seem easier said than done, and it may be true, but it's worth a try. If you ever read this(I knew you would), I hope you know who you are, because I have already told you this once before maybe many..? xD






A friend isn't a friend to keep if they are never there for you.. If they don't want to be friends, just let them go, is not worth keeping as it will collect dust.. You will make plenty of friends in life, so letting one go is sometimes okay.. I hope this is making sense to you, because I'm getting a little confused.. You kept me a side like a doll waiting to be clean.. Sometimes you don't sometimes you did yet you are not throwing me away.. I'm so confuse with the sign you gave.. Too confuse that I have no word to replace it..






Please stop being so pessimistic, because I hate seeing you like that.. Every time that you are sad, it makes me feel the same.. I feel like I'm no help to you even just a little, and that just makes things worse for me.. I try the best I can to cheer you up, but I don't really know how.. Probably I'm afraid of trying.. I hate failures.. I fail too many times in my past, too many that I afraid to just try.. It frustrates me that I can't do anything yet seeing people revolve around you is much better than me.. Tell me what I can do to help you(I will try)..






If you ever need me, you know where to find me(I hope O.o).. I will be here with open arms to help you, and I will try my best to put a smile on your face.. I have know too much about you that sometimes even a slight error, I just could not resist it..






Sorry if my words confuse you as much as they to me, sorry if I'm not a great friend, and I'm sorry for being me..






Let me end with a quote I love.. =D


Thx for those who love my notes.. Appreciate it lot..


Love you guys.. xD






"I am not discouraged, because every


wrong attempt discarded is another


step forward."


- Thomas Edison-


-Chung Yii-

The words are so deep but I couldn't figure it out. The boy I'm talking about is this boy. The only face that took me four years to get over with.

the left one . . .

That's all I can say about what happened after my boyfriend and I declared as boyfriend and girlfriend. and thank goodness it was over with. Sorry for not insertingg the first song I wrote about him in here. I think the pictures worth the description of him in my songs. Well then, I'll blog more about my stories soon.

Forever and Always

Hannah

There'll be . . . . One Less Lonely Girl

Hi there,

For a record, the title isn't about Justin Bieber's song. It's more of about me and to be precise, about me and the guy I blogged about in the previous story. The story continues. We became friends ever since. And the female worker at the same store who I left my number to, became my big sister and we share lots of cool things together. She told me everything about him and it was funny. Okay, his name is Fahmi. Like I told you, REAL names are included in here. And my big sister's name is Fatiha.

Okay, the story continues. Fatiha told me that he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend and at that time, we had been friends for almost five months. I wasn't buying it, I thought she was just kidding me. But it ended up to be true.

I was in the third semester and was doing my practical in this place called Lipis. It's in Pahang. And we did extra shifts for a week and we've got three days off that weekend. All of the practical students wanted to go home that weekend and that included my housemates. I wanted to go home too, but unfortunately both my parents were outstation that weekend. So, I told Fatiha that I would like to come to Grik that weekend and I went there with my friend, Nea. She dropped me in KL and I had to go there all by myself. And I arrived at 6 in the afternoon that day. And Fahmi was waiting and he find a rented motel for me to spend the days there. I chose to be that way. NO WAY I would stay with his family. And he paid the rent for me! How kind of him. And later that night at 8, he took me out to dinner at his fave place. He told me stories about his childhood and how excited he was when I was there. But he didn't say anything about asking me to be his girlfriend like Fatiha told me before. But I wasn't paying attention on that. I was listening to his stories, though. I spent two days there and he eventually asked me on the second day and he asked me by the river. I love water so much and he chose the right place. I was listening to the music of the water when he asked me and my nervousness gone. It's a love story so I said 'Yes' to him. And later that afternoon at 2, I went back to Lipis. It was a happy starting, to be honest. And so, we're dating now.

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Ooops!! That's SO not him...

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Here's the day he took me out.

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My big sis, Fatiha

That is all I can say about our relationship now. And for the new blog, I'll blog about the guy I found hard to get over with when I was 18. Yes, coming up, Chung Yii's story will be blogged.

Forever n Always
Hannah

The Story Goes On . . . .

Hey there,
Meet again and first thing first - I'm totally absolutely sorry for being two months late. But the great news is that I have LOADS to tell you. So, don't get mad okay? I've just learned a new lesson - NEVER get mad, or you'll look ten years older than your age.
Okay, let's start with the previous story. After I knew he cheated on me, I dumped him. And a new episode started and it happened in the same year but different month. I was in the second semester and I was doing my practical for two weeks in this small town called Grik. And so, I loved walking in the streets there and I had a close friend who shared the same interest - walking out. And later that night, I went to this 24 hour store called 7Eleven (yeah, you know it) and while I was choosing things to buy andtalking to her, this guy really caught my eye. And he was walking toward the counter. I was holding a bottle of Lemon Pop drink and I whispered to my friend, "How am I going to pay this? That boy with the spectacles is cute" and that did it. I went to the other counter and he stared at me. His partner made a joke and I laughed, but not MY acquaintance partner. She didn't laugh at the jokes.  I was like, 'Whoa, she's not laughing' and she was actually texting her boyfriend and she wasn't paying any attention but to her phone. And so that boy just smiled at me and we left the store early. On the next day, a friend asked me to buy her some bread at the place and so I went there with my acquaintance partner (again) and this time, I bought a sachet of instant soup and some bread for her. And I paid them at his counter.
 
OOh! Rewind . . . Before we went there, we filled our empty bottles with this RO water downstairs, then we went there.
 
Okay, back to the story. When we were paying for the things we bought, my acquaintance partner, who was about to pay her mineral water had actually, positively and totally forgot to bring her purse. So she wanted me to wait at the store (and I was left alone!!!) to watch over the stuff while she went back to the house and fetch her purse. And so, I begged and pleaded for her not to leave me there alone for the guy was absolutely staring at me. But she wouldn't listen, so she just left me and went back to the house. I waited for ten minutes alone with the guy and there was no other customer in the store!! He asked me about the practical, my age, where I live and lots of info on myself. And his boss next to him just walked away and that was worse! I wasn't scared freaked but I was more of embarrassed. It was dreadful, but an okay thing. And so, she came back and when I was about to reach for my stuff, he pulled them to his way and was kind of like playing tug-or-war with the stuff with me. I asked, "You want to give it to me or what?" and he laughed and gave them back to me.
 
And the next day was freaking crazy. I was walking with some friends toward the hospital and we had to cross the store for a short cut and so, when we walked, I was talking like popcorns.
 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

TALK

 

 

SCREAM!!!!!!!

 

 

Yes, I screamed. And because of why? Because he was staring at me AT the WinDow and was hooking his chin up with his hand. And then my friends shrieked. They thought I saw a dog, but I didn't see any but a cute boy waving at me. I walked away and left my friends behind and I know I blushed. And at the hospital, a girl told me that he sent his regards to me and he actually called me -- The Girl who Was Left Alone. How funny!

 

And so, after two weeks of practical, he told his acquaintance (and it's a girl) that he wanted to know me and I left my number to her. On the next day, he texted and we became friends ever since. He called after three months of friendship and he sounded like a small boy. LOL!

 

Okay be serious -_-!!

 

That was the story about my moving on moment. Want to know what happen to this guy? I'll blog more in here tomorrow. And I'll insert my first song about him.

 

Forever n Always

Hannah

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Crushes and Boyfriends

We've gone with myself, crushes and friends before. Now, we're gonna move on to those few crushes that I still had feelings with and boyfriends. To be honest, I'm not the kind of girl who needs a boyfriend. But I do believe in prince charmings are somewhere out there, just waiting to appear. And my criterias - boyish stares, immature sense of humour, the song I've been singing about, great hair, and has sensitive soul. It's really hard to find the right prince and I'm telling you based on my experience.

Okay, for once and for all, I was still having a crush on Chung Yii and I had to write SO many songs about him, so that I'd get over it. And right now, I realize that I finally got over it. Thank goodness it was over with.

Right, now it's time for crushes and boyfriends. The crushes, well, the ones I forced myself to get over with were Chung Yii and Kevin. Yes, and I forced myself to write songs about them. The latest one was for Kevin and the song is called "It's Kevin." To be honest, that song was about me, couldn't get over him before. But now I do. Especially when he ignores me in Facebook. That is a stupid of me by adding him as my friend in there. Gosh, what was I thinking! He's finally over and I have to admit - Chung Yii was hard to forget. I mean, after I moved to other place, he texted me, asking how was I doing and being such a good listener. And so, he was the hardest crush to get over with. But the easier one Hamirul, the shy boy in my college. He looks totally exactly like Nick Carter and I had this crush on him when we were in the first semester. We were both in the same class, so I was like, "He's cute." And I told my best friend, Nik, about him and she told me to talk to him. But I was like, SO no way!  And then, after a few months. Like, six months later, he was in another class and it continued a year later. Different class. And when I was so sure of my crush, I was like, going to say 'Hi' to him in the computer lab. But then he blew it. He talked to this girl and glanced at me, as if I was looking at him. I was so mad that I sat down at the table in front of him, and began to blog in my Myspace. I wrote how he was so funny that he made me like him and how he blew the chance for me to say 'Hi' to him. So, I wrote this blog called 'I Write a Song About Him and He Doesn't have A Clue.' And I wrote the song right after I saw he laughed with that girl. How annoying! Urgh!!

Continue with the story - I faked a smile when he glanced at me when he was talking to that girl. That girl was a boast and I still don't have a clue how he fell for her. And after I wrote those long paragraphs about his stupidity, I left the computer lab and went into my room and started writing the song before I went to bed. I was like, "There! And I am SO gonna be over you" and on the next day, my crush on him just gone. Completely and I am absolutely, positively said he's just another crush to be told to friends. It was over and I'm SO thankful for that. And for this new semester, he's in the same class with me and that was the first time he talked to me EVER. But, the feelings gone, so I need no worry. I was doing my presentation and I had details on diabetic remedies and had this thing called ginkco. And he asked me what the heck was that? And I had to talk to him, seemed that my presenter friends didn't know what a ginkco was. And he was like, smiling to me, but I was like, "That is totally stupid." Goodness, he thought I still have a crush on him. It was like SO last year. Okay, he may could not figure the song about him out, but I am SO over him.

Now, boyfriends. I kept on reading books about love that said when you fall in love, you feel like you're totally flying. And I felt that when I first dated when I was seventeen. I met this guy when I was sixteen and I was doing a volunteer work on this camp. It's a camp about this seminar and it's about being a friend's counsellor. In here they call 'PRS.' And so I met him. I still remembered when the first moment I got there, I was with two friends and I saw him with his school mates. And I actually told my friends that he was a total cute. He was tall, had great hair, an extremely handsome face and he wore his librarian uniform very smart. I totally fell for him and guess what? He was in my group and my group number was four! Talk about lucky number. And his name was Khairi. What a handsome name for a handsome guy. The time he said my name, I knew he would be the one. And he got my number and after a year, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted because I was touching the sky when he asked me that. It was beautiful. He texted, called and totally into me at that time. And after a week, he went silent. With no news. He told me before that sometimes, his sister would borrow his cell, so I was kind of okay with it. Until I knew the truth. He cheated on me and he was with somebody else when he was with ME. Okay, details on it.

I changed my number and told him about it. I called his number, a female picked it up and told me he's not on the line. Said he's out and I told her I'd call him later. And I called him every fifteen  minutes, but still, that twerp told me he's still not there. Then, shockedly, she asked me who was I to him. And I said I was just a friend. But she didn't believe me. So I was like, "What? You think I'm his girlfriend? Puh-leeez, I am so not his girlfriend. So, can I talk to him now?" I almost said 'Pronto' but then I thought, she'd never understand the word. But she refused, so I just said she's stupid for acting like a control freak and my friend shouted on the line at her too. And then, me and my other room mate went to this movie the seniors were playing in the hall and I received phone calls by this weirdo number. I picked it up lazily and hung up. And there was his voice! I recognized him so well. I had to talk to him outside the hall and he told me not to call the old number again. Because why? Because that was his girlfriend's number!! How I shedded my tears crazily in the hallway. For him. He said he was sorry and I was like, "Okay." And after that, he called me often but it just got worse. I didn't want to get mad, I wanted to get even. And so, after a few months, he told me he broke up with that girl and wanted me back. I asked him why and guess what he said. He actually said, "I don't know. Maybe because I'm lonely now and you're the one who loves me." It made me shock so I just dumped him and ignored him and said he's a stupid boy. I got even with the help of my friend and it served him right. He didn't call me ever since.

I'm sorry for this ending. It's getting too late and I have class tomorrow. I'll write the story #2 on this tomorrow. I have loads more to tell in here.

Forever and Always
Hannah

Friends in Need . . . are THEY?

Hello,

Meet again in here . . . the Skyblue story. I was thinking of what to write after I wrote about crushes on the previous story. It was a feeling that I couldn't describe myself. It's a mix of excited, nervous and confused. I didn't know what to write at first but now, here I am.

Okay, I would like to tell you about my friends since I was in the kindergarten school. I studied in this religious kindergarten and I was a friendliest girl in class. I said 'Hi' to everyone and played with them together. And I met my best friends there too. Their names Illya and Suraya Hani and we became best friends until we're 8. We became best friends for 3 years because both of them moved out to other school. We were kids so no cellphones and we've lost contact on each other. So, I studied in this primary school and met other kids there. And I met these two girls who were really closed to me. Their names were Radi Roshini and Saraleana. We were in the same class and sat together at lunch in the cafeteria. Some people said my face and Roshini's face were almost similar and Saraleana was a mixed Malay-Chinese girl. She was a very funny girl. And of course, we sometimes fight, but that's just what good friends do. We make mistakes, learn from them and forgive each other. That's life. So let's go on with the rest. There were times when Sara liked to lie to us by telling stories that vampires were alive and those weird things about wishes that came true. And of course, we were kids back then, so we just bought her stories (and we finally figured that out when we were ten) and unconditionally just believed her. Lol xx..It was funny.

But our friendship stayed until we were ten because I moveed out to another school. It's a religious school and I didn't really like it there. Because of the place, which was so far from the town and its road to get there was surrounded with tall trees and bushes. I hated bushes. And I had to study in that school? It was a nightmare. Because we heard loads of stories about the school and there was once one of my friends begged to stay at my house, just because she couldn't stand the haunted. I didn't know if that's true at first, but when I was haunted, I believed her a little. Yeah, just a little. We can't trust people 100 percent. It's dangerous. And so, I went to that school for a year ONLY because I didn't like it there. And when I was 11, I went to this school and had so many best friends. My best friends were Afiqah, Amira, Ain, Hafizah, Izzah, and Nabilah. Oh before I forgot. I met my old crush, Syahrin, again and in this school. He completely ignored me back then and after a year, he moved out to another school. His family had to moved in to another house. Okay, about my best friends. We stayed best friends until the final year in primary school and that was when we were 12.

At 13, we went to separate schools and I met other new friends. But some of these friends were so mean to me and I couldn't understand why. I met my longest best friend, Hazwani, in junior high and we were in the same class for two years in that school. She met new friends and all of a sudden, she began to tell lies to me and talked bad things about me and not to mention, spreaded fake rumours about me. It was awful and I didn't know who I was going to talk to at school that time. And I made friends with this beautiful Chinese girl named Michelle Tang. She sat next to me and she said I was pretty. Lol xx... She loved drawings so much and she taught me how to draw. Thanks to her, I get to draw properly now. Hehe.. Michelle disliked the clique soo much and she was really, really smart. She loved to ask questions to the teachers and always got great grades. She's a true friend! *hugs~~~ I missed her and sometimes I give her a call. She gets excited when I call her. Ooh, and she said I was her best friend, which was very sweet of her. And about Hazwani, well this part is going to be about her. We shared stories about us when we were 8 and she told me she missed those times. And remember Daryl? Yes, she knew I had a crush on him so she told me this lie over and over again. She said that Daryl wanted to know me, but I knew she was lying in the first place. I knew it because there was no way Daryl would talk to her. I mean, she disliked him and she would just walked away when she saw him. So, she lied to me. Same goes with her clique, Nabilah, Umirah and Sofiah. These girls faked a friendship rule - honesty among friends. And I cursed them that I will never forgive them. And I met Raudhah, my BFF. She was friends with them too but just like me, they were mean to her too. They also disliked the way I scorede my grades and me befriending Michelle. It was their weakness to know that I was smarter than them. It's true. I scored high in my Geography and English when we were in the same class when we were 14, and I didn't tell them my score. And when they found out about it, they started to ignore me and glared daggers at me in every class. And of course, rumours about me. Urgh!!

At 15, I  was in the same class with Raudhah and I sat next to her. We talked a lot before she had to switch places with my old crush and good friend, Chung Yii and I became the silent girl with music filled my head when he's around. And that was why the song of mine called "Tear It Apart" came. I actually said this:

"He's the song in my head
In the car, everywhere; I'm through it"

He doesn't know about this. And I don't want to let him know about my song on him. And back to the friends:Raudhah and Michelle were in the same class with me when we were all 15 but I studied there only a half year long. Because my parents were transferred to other place. I had to say another 'Goodbye' to my friends and start another year making friends with strangers. But Raudhah and I are keeping in touch through Facebook now. Lol xx..

In senior high, I lived in a place where the people had different accent or language pattern compared to my old place. But I did have some cool friends there. I met Liyana, Shaadah, Amira, the Maths whiz girls, Mazira, the History girl, Zaidah, the 'it' girl and Aziz, the Maths brain boy. Liyana was such a friendly girl. She loved my humours and laughed a lot. Shaadah, Amira and Mazira were best friends since primary school, so they were like - bonding onto each other. Zaidah was the kind of girl who knows what to do with her life, even though sometimes she can be a heartbreak, but above all that, she had sensitive point of view. Aziz was the friendliest boy in school and a teacher's pet. He always got great grades in maths and Science and he really was such a know-it-all. He was the first person to say 'Hi' to me and he was my Dad's friend's son. Kinda cool huh? I thought so too. We all stayed in the same class until the highlight of high school - the Senior Year. We studied together, ate together and we all shared our sense of humour. I still remember when Zaidah was heartbroken by her first break-up when we were 16, she turned to me and told me the story. And I wrote her problems in my book, and that was when I started to write journals. and obviously, I wrote songs about them and I showed them to the girls. They LOVED it!! And I actually copied the songs and pasted them on my desk. My teachers just walked around me and read them. They said it was beautiful to dedicate songs to a person. I was Thankful! xxx...

This is another thing I would like to write about in 'Friends in Need . . .are THEY?' blog. As you can see and tell, friends are forever with you. They laugh with you, cry with you, make you smile, make you hurt, make you feel bad sometimes and even fake their friendship with you. All I can say is that, true friends are like pearls. To find them, you will have to see their inner beauty. Just like divers need to do before they search for pearls. They will have to find the oysters. And believe me, oysters are NOT pretty. And that's what you have to do. I may not be good at finding REAL friends, but I just met the GOOD ones since I was 16. And they are all my REAL friends. Here's a piece of advice for you:

True friends are like pearls,
Beautiful and rare;
Fake friends are like pebbles,
Hideous and everywhere.

Love,
Hannah