Thursday, November 1, 2012

Red is My New Thing

Nov 2012

New month and I realised I haven't been on for a year now. The last post I sent was in October and SO much things have happened in the past year. I began to love writing even more and I'm currently writing my second book. Third, technically.

In previous year, I was so crazy over blue, brown and black colours for shirts and blouses. But since Taylor Swift introduces Red, I have red stuff in my room now. A red laptop mouse, red Beats headphones, red shawl, red lipstick, red sweater, red luggage bag, a red book and SO much more. Red is an intense colour and it represents an intense emotion. Like, love. If you watch other colours like blue, dark grey and green, you'll notice the red one is much, much more intense than them. Just an opinion. I'm not obsessed with red. It's just - it's the colour that makes you pop in a group of people. Wear a red lipstick when you're wearing yellow or orange or brown, and people will notice how fresh your face looks. Trust me. I know. I bet we all do.

I wrote more songs last year too and believe me, I wrote something about I don't need a man who doesn't need me. And guess what? I'm one of the biggest fans of a British-Irish band called One Direction and I'm a Directioner. The best thing about being a Directioner is that you know the best man of your life is still out there and he's actually on his way to you. Only time will tell when he reaches you. Being a Directioner is wonderful not because those five boys are good-looking, but because they sing songs that girls love to hear and not many boys would admit of. That's the best thing of being a Directioner. Plus, they respect girls which is a fact that not many boy bands do. That's the story of being so emotionally RED on being a Directioner.



One thing I learn about the intense colour is that, it shows how determinate you are. I determine to do good in business, make lots of money and publish my books. That's my dream and I don't care what people say. I'm an Aquarian, so I fear nothing when it comes to fulfilling my dream.

Red. Here's a part of Taylor Swift's lyrics for that intensity:





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Losing him was BLUE like I've never known,
Missing him was DARK GREY all alone;
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met,
Cuz loving him was RED;
Burning RED.





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So I guess that's the intense blog of the month. For now. I've so much things to say. Plenty, actually, but I'll post more soon. Writing this has been SO RED.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

HeartBreak Saviours

It's been a while since I blogged my last blog but this time, I won't leave you again. This is the story of my life and I would like to tell a story about it.

After two years of dating and meeting family members, me and my boyfriend broke up on the 29th September at around 9:23 p.m. It was too lateto say anything and it was made by a simple complication. Yes, a simple complication, miscommunication lead to fall out. And I don't have a slight faith hanging on my heart string. His family is so welcoming and friendly and crazy but I love them so much. It's a shame wedidn't work things out but none of it has anything to do with the fall out. It was just a silly misunderstanding but he overwhelmed it and this is happening. It was caused by my minor rule and that is too minor but who knows how high and thick man's ego is, right? And I didn't expect him to be like that. All this time he was so mature and charming but in a blink of an eye, he said "Goodbye" to me and removed me from his Facebook's friend list and changed his status into single. I had no choice but to go with the flow and changed mine. It was a deep heartbreak but I dealwith it positively. I made best friends with music and only music can help me sooth things out. And I listen to get-back-to-your-real-self songs every day and before bed and in two days, I am all fine. Thank you. These are the songs that helped me with my 2-days depression. And I'd like to thank the singers for singing these amazing and helpful songs.


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Gil Ofarim - Never On My Mind
Gil Ofarim - Goodbye
Click Five - I'm Getting Over You
Ashley Tisdale - It's Alright It's OK
Demi Lovato - Skyscraper
Gloriana - Over Me Now
Taylor Swift - I Heart Question Mark
Taylor Swift - Picture To Burn
Taylor Swift - Forever and Always
Marion Raven - Break You
Kellie Pickler - Best Days Of Your Life
Delta Goodrem - Not Me Not I
Lemonade Mouth - She's So Gone
Lemonade Mouth - Determinate

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And last but not least, I'd like to thank my good friend, the 4-years-to-get-over-with guy, for making me laugh for the past 30 minutes and for being such a charming person. Even though he still doesn't figure out how I felt about him, I don't mind. Because we both can still be friends. He even gave me his new number (obviously I didn't ask for it) and that makes me want to say 'Thank you! Thank you so much for being there' and he told me I'm a strong girl and he knows about me making best friends with music. I love him. Anyway, this is my new post and I will blog more soon.

Forever and Always
Hannah

Monday, August 16, 2010

Better Person

Sometimes we wish for a better person to change our lives. But what if the person changes our lives and we don't like it? What if he/she ruins the friendship and doesn't realize that he/she is hurting our feelings? Plus, what if the person is the best thing that's ever done to you but he/she ruins everything? The only question we could ask is "Why?" and listen to what they have to say to you. If the answer pleases you, then you'll be fine. But if the answer breaks your heart, believe that you'll be strong no matter what.

I believe in staying strong. And I believe that friends are like pearls -- rare to find but precious. Even though they sometimes hurt, but in the end, they're the ones who help us get through the obstacles. Because we are just human and human are fragile.

Sorry if this blog confuses you. I am just expressing out the sadness that burdens inside my chest. I'm broken by the people I love and it's the kind of feeling words couldn't describe. But this is all about my friends. The latest one is about this friend. She helped me on this blog and I know she is a pretty girl inside. It's just, she likes to think bad about others. How silly of her. Her name is Atiqah and I really like to sit and talk to her. She's great with telling stories. But one day, a friend of mine told me something obnoxious about her. She said that she tells lies to others and makes up stories. I didn't believe the rumours of course, until I was lied on the face for the first time -- by her. It hurts but she doesn't realize anything about it. I miss our old days together. It was precious and one of the best days in my life. I just can't believe she did that to me. It was horrid of her. I would never do that to her but she just did that to me. Hands will fall even though you've been friends forever but no honesty lives inside your heart. Everything would be useless and you would care less about the little things that happen in your life.

I love her but I don't think I can trust her since she betrayed my trust. In a living piece of my love, I'll let her fly away with her lies. I don't need a friend like that in my life. It just hurts. Sorry.

On the cold floor I lied, thinking what I did wrong. And suddenly I heard a voice, saying, "Hurt is just the beginning. The nearer you get close, the harder you'll feel the ground when you fall every time she lies to you." I got the words, so I decided. To leave it all behind. To leave the past. And to make sure reality overcomes me so that I wouldn't have to live a lie.

Miss our good times..

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Memory of Kevin

Hi

I was in the car with my parents and my youngest sister and we were on the way to my Grandma's house when I was humming a song I wrote about my former crush when I was fifteen. His name is Kevin, and I blogged about him in the previous, previous blog. The one with the crushes' names. His name's in it too. I remember it well. Well, it was nothing but I haven't read the song for almost half a year now. That's my uncorrosive habit. I love reading back my old writing.

Okay, about him. Well, I was humming the song and I actually remembered how we were close friends. We texted to each other for  almost four years. But it ended a few months ago. Actually, it stopped when Facebook was born between us. Not that it's Facebook's fault I lost a friend. It's more like, since Facebook, he was like -- kind of like, doesn't need me anymore. And he totally doesn't know I wrote a song about him. It's unfortunate. Now let me tell you something about him. He's very friendly and a real social butterfly. And when he laughs, you can see right through his heart and you'll see how sincere those laughs are. He's a happy boy and every time he speaks, you can feel the air sways your presence boldly and precisely. This isn't a phrase. But this is something real. A REAL thing to say. I've experienced it for four long years. And the song, well, I do really, really wish I could sing it in front of him. Guess I could if I see him again. But I'm not sure when and how. I couldn't just meet him and during a friendly talk, just go and sing to him. That's not a good sign. Well, the song is actually about him not believing in my love, faith and trust for him since we became friends. And yes, he did say the words and so, I was like, "Okay. You ask for it. I'll be moving on and forget all about you. Don't say you're sorry if you know what I'd do." And so far, he doesn't know about the song and I believe if he does know about it, it'd be too late for him to realize the real thing. This happens every time I write songs about the people that make mistakes to me. I had a few friends who I trusted most when I was thirteen and when they betrayed me, I wrote about their mistakes and the real things that went wrong between us back then. And when I was fifteen, they tried to reach my phone number to call. Just to say they're sorry but I couldn't say, "Okay. You're sorry. I forgive you." NO. I couldn't say that. It was too painful.

And for Kevin. Yes, lots of people -- I mean. LOADS of people believe that we should forgive and forget. But not me. I forgive -- BUT I DON'T FORGET. That's me. Okay, enough writing about Kevin. Below is the song I wrote about him. The lyrics says it all.

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It's Kevin

Once upon a day
I was dreaming and kept saying "This will fade away"
I caught on something
I hold back when he says
"Just look me in the eye and say this is all wrong"
But I'm not joking so it seems for me
We'll never gonna work out because you can't see
That you belong with me here
Hunny, well let me say something that you've always wanted to say here
Honestly I fell for you

pre-c/o:
So I walk away now
You're not here somehow
And it feels so wrong, I know
But this love was so strong
Now when I see your face in the crowd
I just say, "It's Kevin"

c/o:
I see the smile coming over when something goes blue
It's him that I love
And it's him, he's not you
I see your face in the crowd
But I say, "It's Kevin"

Were you feeling it?
Were you the only one who knew this but couldn't see it
Kept on thinking it's a joke
I called you, I tried to say
But I'm thinking it's too late so I was like, "Goodbye"
So here goes nothing now
This was stupid somehow
Here's the warm tears
Don't think you know it now
What could I say here
'Cuz I'm thinking it's too late and I was like, "See you around"

(repeat pre-c/o and c/o)

I'm not feeling it since then
Yeah I don't now
Forget it
Just forget it
It was a crush, nothing much
Forget it
Just forget it
It was a crush, nothing much

(repeat c/o and pre-c/o)
(repeat c/o)

I'm not feeling it since then
I just simply say, "It's Kevin", yeah





Friday, April 23, 2010

Chung Yii, It's Alright It's OK!!!

I realize that the person who doesn't see the beauty is just another crush to tell. And he's Chung Yii, of course. I have so much things to say about him and hope I could say it to his face, even though I feel like it would be useless. He's a cold rain, and I realize that his writing was about me, but he lets me know about this. The feeling was nothing but lust. He says it's not love at all. So, okay, the say has been said and this is just what I have to say -- "It's alright it's okay." I hate to say this but knowing him is the biggest mistake in my life and I know it was fated, but I would never forgive myself for falling for him back then. It was stupid of me but hey, I'm not sorry for myself. Everything about him is just a big mistake. Besides, if we were together, we would be like, 99.99% not going to last. Because we're different. So different. And also, I don't play games with my mind or play tricks on people. He does. The way he confuses my feelings and points his finger at me (your other three fingers are pointing back at you. So you're the fault), it obviously shows that he's the mistaken identity. And here's what I said in my song about him --

You're the fault for all the guilt pasted in my heart
The only reason why I never let it tear apart

And also this --

So it just ends tonight
I hope it goes away
I'll never fall apart again oh just because you say
"You're the fault for all the guilt pasted in my heart"
The only reason why it tears apart
It's just too much

And now I'm getting stronger and I'm not regretting anything. He's nothing to me four years ago and he's nothing to me now. And forever. I won't believe anything he writes about his feelings for a girl. Because I would pretend it's someone else. No matter what he says in it, it's alright. I'm not going to open the window and pray he stands there for true. Everything involving him in my life is just too late to believe in. I had just found a suitable song for this stupidity. It's a song by Ashley Tisdale.

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It's Alright It's OK

You told me
There's no need to talk it out 'cuz it's too late
To proceed
And slowly I took your words and walked away
No looking back
I won't regret, no
I will find my way
I'm broken but still I have to say

c/o
It's alright it's OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry
Alright OK
So don't you bother what I do
No matter what you say
I won't return
Our bridge has burnt down
I'm stronger now
Alright OK
I'm so much better without you
I won't be sorry

You played me
Betrayed me
Your love was nothing but a game
Portrait a role
You took control
I couldn't help but fall so deep
But now I see things clear

(repeat c/o)

Don't waste your fiction tears on me
Just save them for someone in need
It's way too late
I'm closing the door!

(repeat c/o)

It's alright it's OK
Without you
I won't be sorry



The song says it all and so do my songs. I'm not sorry for saying I made a mistake by knowing him. I shouldn't have talked to him when we were fifteen. But of course -- 

"When you're fifteen, somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them" - Taylor Swift.

Forever n Always
Hannah








Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Romeo & Juliet . . . Love Story

The original story told by the famous writer of all time, William Shakespeare, and the classic English literature told to every single girls. A tragedy that haunts two persons in a time leads to an untamed love that needs affection and feelings in a thing called heart. Between tragedy and comedy the transition is often but slightly marked. Thus Romeo and Juliet differs but little from most of Shakespeare's comedies in its ingredients and treatment--it is simply the direction of the whole that gives it the stamp of tragedy. Romeo and Juliet is a picture of love and its pitiable fate in a world whose atmosphere is too sharp for this, the tenderest blossom of human life. Two beings created for each other feel mutual love at the first glance; every consideration disappears before the irresistable impulse to live for one another; under circumstances hostile in the highest degree to their union, they unite themselves by a secret marriage, relying simply on the protection of an invisible power. Untoward incidents following in rapid succession, their heroic constancy is within a few days put to the proof, till, forcibly separated from each other, by a voluntary death they are united in the grave to meet again in another world. All this is to be found in the beautiful story which was told long before Shakespeare's day, and which, however simply told, will always excite a tender sympathy; but it was reserved for Shakespeare to join in one ideal picture purity of heart with warmth of imagination; sweetness and dignity of manners with passionate intensity of feeling. Under his handling, it has become a glorious song of praise on that inexpressible feeling which ennobles the soul and gives to it its highest sublimity, and which elevates even the senses into soul, while at the same time it is a melancholy elegy on its inherent and imparted frailty; it is at once the apotheosis and the obsequies of love. It appears here a heavenly spark that, as it descends to earth, is converted into the lightning flash, which almost in the same moment sets on fire and consumes the mortal being on whom it lights. All that is most intoxicating in the odor of a southern spring, all that is languishing in the song of the nightingale or voluptuous in the first opening of the rose, all alike breathe forth from this poem. But even more rapidly than the earliest blossoms of youth and beauty decay does it, from the first timidly bold declaration and modest return of love, hurry on to unlimited passion, to an irrevocable union; and then hasten, amid alternating storms of rapture and despair, to the fate of the two lovers, who yet appear enviable in their hard lot, for their love survives them, and by their death they have obtained an endless triumph over every separating power. The sweetest and the bitterest love and hatred, festive rejoicings and dark forebodings, tender embraces and sepulchral horrors, the fullness of life and self-annihilation, are here all brought close to each other; and yet these contrasts are so blended into a unity of impression, that the echo which the whole leaves in the mind resembles a single but endless sigh.




The first scenes of nearly every play of Shakespeare are remarkable for the skill with which they prepare the mind for all the after scenes. We do not see the succession of scenes; the catastrophe unrevealed; but we look into a dim and distant prospect, and by what is in the foreground we can form a general notion of the landscape that will be presented to us, as the clouds roll away and the sun lights up its wild mountains or its fertile valleys. When Sampson and Gregory enter "armed with swords and bucklers"--when we hear "a dog of the house of Montague moves me"--we know that these are not common servants, and live not in common times; with them the excitement of party spirit does not rise into strong passion--it presents its ludicrous side. They quarrel like angry curs, who snarl, yet are afraid to bite. But the "furious Tybalt" in a moment shows us that these hasty quarrels cannot have peaceful endings. The strong arm of authority suspends the affray, but the spirit of enmity is not put down. The movement of this scene is as rapid as the quarrel itself. It produces the effect upon the mind of something which startles; but the calm immediately succeeds. Benvolio's speech--



Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun

Peer'd forth the golden window of the east ...

--at once shows us that we are entering the region of high poetry. Coleridge remarks that the succeeding speech of old Montague exhibits the poetical aspect of the play even more strikingly:



Many a morning hath he here been seen,

With tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew.

It is remarkable that the speech thus commencing, which contains twenty lines as highly wrought as anything in Shakespeare, is not in the first copy of this play. The experience of the artist taught him where to lay on the poetical coloring brighter and brighter. How beautifully these lines prepare us for the appearance of Romeo--the now musing, abstracted Romeo--the Romeo, who, like the lover of Chaucer,



Solitary was ever alone,

And walking all the night, making moan.

The love of Romeo was unrequited love. It was a sentiment rather than a passion--a love that solaced itself in antithetical conceits upon its own misery, and would draw consolation from melancholy associations. It was love without the "true Promethean fire," but it was a fir preparation for what was to follow. The dialogue between Capulet and Paris prepares us for Juliet--the "hopeful lady of his earth," who



Hath not seen the change of fourteen years.



The old man does not think her "ripe to be a bride;" but we are immediately reminded of the precocity of nature under a southern sun, by another magical touch of poetry, which tells us of youth and freshness--of summer in "April"--of "fresh female buds" breathing the fragrance of opening flowers. Juliet at length comes. We see the submissive and gentle girl; but the garrulity of the nurse carries us back even to the



Prettiest babe that e'er I nursed.



Neither Juliet nor Romeo had rightly read their own hearts. He was sighing for a shadow--she fancied that she could subject her feelings to the will of others:



But no more deep will I endart mine eye,

Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.

The preparation for their first interview goes forward; Benvolio has persuaded Romeo to go to the Capulet's feast. There is a slight pause in the action, but how gracefully it is filled up! Mercutio comes upon the scene, and is placed by the side of Romeo, to contrast with him, but also to harmonize. The poetry of Mercutio is that of fancy; the poetry of Romeo is that of imagination. The wit of Mercutio is the overflow of animal spirits, occasionally polluted, like a spring pure from the well-head, by the soil over which it passes; the wit of Romeo is somewhat artificial, and scarcely self-sustained--it is the unaccustomed play of the intellect when the passions "have come to the clenching point," but it is under control, it has no exuberance which, like the wit of Mercutio, admits the coloring of the sensual and the sarcastic.



The very first words of Romeo show the change that has come o'er him. He went into that "hall of Capulet's house" fearing



Some consequence yet hanging in the stars.



He had "a soul of lead"--he would be "a candle-holder and look on." But he has seen Juliet; and with what gorgeous images has that sight filled his imagination!



Oh, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!

Her beauty hangs upon the cheek of night

As a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear.

We have now the poetry of passion bursting upon us in its purple light.



The lovers show the intensity of their abandonment to an overmastering will. "They see only themselves in the universe." That is the true moral of their fate. But, even under the direst calamity, they catch at the one joy which is left--the short meeting before the parting. And what a parting it is! Here again comes the triumph of the beautiful over the merely tragic. They are once more calm. There love again breathes of all the sweet sights and sounds in a world of beauty. They are parting, but the almost happy Juliet says:



It is not yet near day--

Believe me, love, it was the nightingale.

Romeo, who sees the danger of delay, is not deceived:



It was the lark, the herald of the morn.



Then what a burst of poetry follows!--



Night's candles are burnt out, and jocund day

Stands tiptoe on the misty mountains' tops.

Note the exquisite display of womanly tenderness in Juliet, which hurries from the forgetfulness of joy in her husband's presence to apprehension for his safety. After this scene we are almost content to think, as Romeo fancied he thought:



Come what sorrow can,

It cannot countervail the exchange of joy.

The sorrow does come upon poor Juliet with redoubled force. The absolute father, the unyielding mother, the treacherous nurse--all hurrying her into a loathed marriage--might drive one less resolved to the verge of madness. But from this moment her love has become heroism. She sees



No pity sitting in the clouds--



She rejects her nurse--she resolves to deceive her parents. This scene brings out her character in its strongest and most beautiful relief.



The final catastrophe comes. They have paid the penalty of the fierce hatreds that were engendered around them, and of their own precipitancy; but their misfortunes and their loves have healed the enmities of which they were the victims.








the historical balcony of Juliet where she waited for her Romeo...


















Romeo and Juliet















a closer look...

























 





And they died together. Romeo thought his beloved Juliet died in the tomb when he opened it. And took his poison, kissed Juliet, drank it and died on her lap. Juliet awoke, finding her lifeless Romeo. Without second thoughts, she snatched his dagger, kissed him and stabbed herself. There they lied, together on the tomb before the Capulets came and stunned with the deaths of two lovers. The love they had was forbidden by their families. But they died together.







 

It's one of my favourite stories and the tale was told in a song by dearest Taylor Swift. It's called Love Story. It's my favourite song and I actually am writing a story based on the song. The song is easy to convert into a story and the theme is really exciting. I can't tell you about the story in here. But I tell it to my BFFs and they think it's really good. Thanks for their compliments.

I'm not having the writer's mood today but I'm writing my story though. I love doing it. I have been practising my guitar chords  for two days now and my left fingers are really hurt. But the effort's worth my while. I practise Taylor's 'Crazier' and 'Fifteen' songs. They're awesome songs!

To end the story for today is a song by Taylor Swift. Love Story all the way. Miss you!

Love Story

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there, on a balcony in summer air
See the light
See the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way to the crowd and say, "Hello"
Little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my Daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet!"
And I was crying on the staircase, begging you, "Please don't go"
And I said,

c/o:
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting 
All there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story
Baby, just say, "Yes"

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cuz we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
'cuz you were Romeo
I was your scarlet letter
And my Daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet!"
But you were everything to me
I was begging you, "Please don't go"
And I said,

(repeat c/o)

Romeo, save me
They try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult but it's real
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story
Baby, just say, "Yes"

But I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town
And I said,
Romeo, save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head
I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your Dad
Go pick out a white dress
It's a love story
Baby, just say, 'Yes'."

'cuz we were both young when I first saw you.

Forever n Always
Hannah
     

Monday, April 12, 2010

A Tale To Be Told

Hello there,

Just as I promised, I am here to tell you about the former crush I had whom was the hardest to get over with. He was a good friend of mine and I found that it was fearless to fall in love with your best friend. My idol, Taylor Swift, quotes that. I believe in him but I am not sure if he believes in me. He could tell it from his mouth and convinces me anytime he wants, but the truth is still there. Hiding in his hidden eyes. I have to admit I write so many, many songs about him. I write about how lucky I am to have him as a good and close friend and how I wish we'll be close forever. And the feelings I had, well, it was undescribable and I believed that it was another feeling of joy inside of me. I was happy with the feeling, until he asked me this. He asked me, if we dated before, would we be together and last forever. I wasn't sure what to answer him at that time, but now I do believe I have it. But I'm waiting for him to ask me that question again. Because if he does ask me about it for the second time, I'm just hoping all those faiths come back to me and show me directions of how to tell him the truth. He told me he had a girlfriend before when I was 18, and I have to admit I was bruised by his words. He asked me if he gave roses to her, what would she felt and I suggested him to give her red roses instead of other flowers. I know I shouldn't have told him that because it bruised me much deeper inside, but, I just couldn't let him know how I felt. You might think it was foolish of me, but that was what I could thought of. I didn't want to tell him how I felt because I didn't want to lose him. He couldn't ever be my soulmate but at least he still can be my good friend. He's the best friend I've ever had and I knew him since we were 15. Good times.

And the songs I write about him, well, that was the hardest part. The first time I met him, I wrote how he shone in front of me and how beautiful those eyes were. And I sat next to him and I actually wrote about him but when he tried to look at my writing, I covered the song with my other books. And so he didn't see any visible word in my paper. In conclusion, I write everything and anything about him but he didn't notice. That wasn't a good sign because he thought I was imagining the guy in my songs when the guy I wrote and described all these years was all about him. I didn't write his name out but the characteristics were all about him. Maybe he missed that out, but I did give signals to him. He just didn't realize any of it.

When I was doing my practical in Raub, when I was in the fourth semester last month, my two friends and I went to KL and I told him about it. He wanted to meet me. And so I went with my friends accompanied me. I wasn't scared to meet him alone, but I knew he would bring along his friend too. And I was right. He brought along our former classmate, Chee Ken. How they both grown up to be . . . college boys. And he wore a light-coloured shirt and faded blue jeans, while I wore a green T-shirt and a blue jeans. Of course, my friends weren't talkative as usual during the meeting and I was being myself -- shy, speechless and stared at him talking. He glanced at me while he was talking to Chee Ken and I wasn't sitting facing him, but his friend. And he made us laugh, of course, he always does that. And he offered us food and drink but we weren't really hungry. It was just enough to see him again. And when it was time to go home, he offered to walk us to my friend's sister's car, but we refused him to do so. We've bothered him enough.

And after the meeting, I was confused. Confused of thinking if I accepted him two years ago, would things be the same. And I couldn't remember how we became good friends. I mean, things weren't always the same but the way he wrote things in his notes in Facebook, makes me think about it all over again. The note below was the one I'm meaning about. I'm not sure who the girl he's referring to, but, it is a lot like me. Here the note is:

Alteration..




Monday, March 8, 2010 at 2:00pm


Love.. These feelings aren't intentional; you and I both know that.. Are the feelings reciprocal..? I'm always afraid to admit the truth, so I have always stuck here wondering if you ever felt the same way about me.. I don't know if it's infatuation, lust, or actual love..






I honestly can't tell anymore, I've fallen too many times now.. Am I just another common friend to you or is there something more..? I don't know what to do anymore, could you just please give me a sign..? I mean like, 'come on show some signal or whatever..'






This might give away who I am(obviously =P) and who I'm talking about but I'm willing to risk that.. Just for you maybe.. Maybe if you read this, you might understood what I'm trying to say.. Friends, they are a valuable thing, too valuable, that's why I don't have many of those(You know who you are =D)..






I may sound like a loser or a loner to you, but I'd rather have this life(But I'm afraid), than one with a bountiful of friends that don't care.. I may be insecure, and I tend to worry about minor things but I never let the feelings show(maybe).. Sometimes there isn't much space to kept all these feelings and is hard to store it..






People who know me thinks that I'm strong, even though I'm really not.. I'm softer than a cotton, way too soft that I might even get carried away.. Of course this may seem easier said than done, and it may be true, but it's worth a try. If you ever read this(I knew you would), I hope you know who you are, because I have already told you this once before maybe many..? xD






A friend isn't a friend to keep if they are never there for you.. If they don't want to be friends, just let them go, is not worth keeping as it will collect dust.. You will make plenty of friends in life, so letting one go is sometimes okay.. I hope this is making sense to you, because I'm getting a little confused.. You kept me a side like a doll waiting to be clean.. Sometimes you don't sometimes you did yet you are not throwing me away.. I'm so confuse with the sign you gave.. Too confuse that I have no word to replace it..






Please stop being so pessimistic, because I hate seeing you like that.. Every time that you are sad, it makes me feel the same.. I feel like I'm no help to you even just a little, and that just makes things worse for me.. I try the best I can to cheer you up, but I don't really know how.. Probably I'm afraid of trying.. I hate failures.. I fail too many times in my past, too many that I afraid to just try.. It frustrates me that I can't do anything yet seeing people revolve around you is much better than me.. Tell me what I can do to help you(I will try)..






If you ever need me, you know where to find me(I hope O.o).. I will be here with open arms to help you, and I will try my best to put a smile on your face.. I have know too much about you that sometimes even a slight error, I just could not resist it..






Sorry if my words confuse you as much as they to me, sorry if I'm not a great friend, and I'm sorry for being me..






Let me end with a quote I love.. =D


Thx for those who love my notes.. Appreciate it lot..


Love you guys.. xD






"I am not discouraged, because every


wrong attempt discarded is another


step forward."


- Thomas Edison-


-Chung Yii-

The words are so deep but I couldn't figure it out. The boy I'm talking about is this boy. The only face that took me four years to get over with.
































the left one . . .





















That's all I can say about what happened after my boyfriend and I declared as boyfriend and girlfriend. and thank goodness it was over with. Sorry for not insertingg the first song I wrote about him in here. I think the pictures worth the description of him in my songs. Well then, I'll blog more about my stories soon.

Forever and Always
Hannah